Wife & Cooking Jokes
Why did my wife bring a ladder to the kitchen?
Because she heard the recipe called for high stakes!
My wife said she wanted a fairytale marriage.
I told her I’d start with a little “happily ever after” and a lot of “once upon a time.”
Why did my wife always carry a pencil in the kitchen?
In case she had to draw the line at my cooking!
My wife asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo.
I had to put my foot down!
Why does my wife make terrible pancakes?
Because she always flips out!
My wife said she wanted to spice things up.
I suggested adding some salt to her cooking!
Why did my wife get mad at me for cooking?
Because I made a “stew-pid” mistake!
My wife thinks I’m a terrible cook.
But I always say
“I’m just following my heart… and the takeout menu!”
Wife & Shopping Jokes
Why did my wife take a shopping cart to the gym?
Because she heard it was a great way to get a workout while shopping!
My wife asked me if I could help her with her shopping list.
I told her I’m great at “listening” but not so much at “shopping.”
Why do I always lose my wife in the store?
Because she’s always “checking out” new things!
What did my wife say when I asked her why she bought another pair of shoes?
“Because they were on sale
and it’s a ‘sole’-ful decision!”
Why did my wife bring a pencil to the mall?
To draw her budget before she spends it!
My wife said she wanted to save money while shopping.
I suggested she stop shopping altogether!
Why does my wife love shopping during sales?
Because she believes in “buy one
get one free” therapy!
What did my wife say when I asked her to stop shopping?
“I can’t help it
I’m just trying to ‘buy’ some happiness!”
Wife & Technology Jokes
Why does my wife love her smartphone?
Because it keeps her “app”-dated on everything!
What did my wife say when I asked her to help with my tech issues?
“I’m not a tech support
I’m a ‘wife’ support!”
Why did my wife get mad at her computer?
Because it wouldn’t “byte” when she told it to!
My wife thinks she’s a computer expert.
But she still can’t find the “any” key!
Why does my wife always forget her passwords?
Because she says her memory is “clouded”!
What did my wife say when I asked her to fix my laptop?
“I’m not a magician
I can’t just ‘abracadabra’ it to work!”
Why does my wife love online shopping?
Because she can “click” her way to happiness!
My wife asked me to fix her tablet.
I told her to try turning it off and on again… and then to try real food!
Wife & Relationship Jokes
Why did my wife and I go to couples therapy?
Because we needed to “unpack” our feelings!
What did my wife say when I forgot our anniversary?
“Looks like I’ll be ‘reminding’ you for the next 365 days!”
Why does my wife always win our arguments?
Because she has a PhD in “debate-ology”!
What did my wife say when I asked her to stop being so dramatic?
“I can’t help it
I’m just a ‘drama queen’!”
Why did my wife bring a mirror to our date?
So she could reflect on our relationship!
What’s my wife’s favorite type of music?
Anything that has a “good beat” for dancing around our disagreements!
Why did my wife start a blog about our marriage?
Because she wanted to “write” our love story!
What did my wife say when I tried to help with chores?
“Thanks
but I’ve got this ‘handled’!”
Wife & Family Jokes
Why does my wife love family game night?
Because she’s the reigning champion of “monopoly” over our lives!
What did my wife say when I asked her how to raise our kids?
“Just follow my lead
I’m a ‘mom’-umental expert!”
Why did my wife bring a pen to family dinner?
To “write” down all the funny stories!
What did my wife say when I asked her about our family tree?
“It’s a little ‘leafy’ but we’re all rooted together!”
Why does my wife enjoy family vacations?
Because she gets to “pack” up all the fun!
What did my wife say when I asked her to help with the kids?
“I’m not a babysitter
I’m a ‘mom’-ager!”
Why does my wife always take photos during family outings?
To capture our “picture-perfect” moments!
What did my wife say when I asked her about our family traditions?
“They’re the ‘glue’ that holds us together!”