Cooking Jokes
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug.
My wife asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall.”
I said maybe.
Why did my wife bring a ladder to dinner?
Because she heard the steaks were high!
I asked my wife to let me know the next time she has a craving.
She said she doesn’t want to “crave” my cooking!
My wife said she wanted to spice things up in the kitchen.
So I bought her a new set of measuring spoons!
My wife told me she needed more thyme.
I said
We can always make time for that!
What did my wife say when I burnt the toast?
“That’s toast-ally unacceptable!”
I asked my wife if she wanted to go out for dinner.
She said
Only if you promise not to order takeout!
Shopping Jokes
I told my wife I wanted to buy her something special.
She said
How about a gift card?
My wife said she could live without shopping.
I told her that’s a “shop-tastic” idea!
Why did my wife take a shopping cart to the gym?
She heard it was a great way to “lift” her spirits!
My wife said she wanted to save money on clothes.
I told her to just wear what she already has—it’s a “wardrobe” of wonders!
What did my wife say when I asked her if she liked my new shirt?
“It’s a little too ‘out of the closet’ for my taste!”
My wife said she was going to start a clothing line.
I told her it better be “sew” good!
When my wife goes shopping
she always gets a workout.
She lifts those bags like a pro!
Why did my wife bring a pencil to the store?
In case she needed to draw a line on her spending!
Relationship Jokes
I told my wife we should spice things up in our relationship.
She said
Do you mean like adding more pickles?
Why did my wife break up with the calendar?
She felt it was just too “date”-oriented!
What did my wife say when I forgot our anniversary?
“You’re really testing the limits of my love!”
I asked my wife if she believed in love at first sight.
She said
“Only if you’re wearing that shirt!”
My wife said she wanted to go somewhere we’ve never been before.
I suggested the living room!
Why did my wife want to take a break from our relationship?
She needed a “time-out” from my dad jokes!
What did my wife say when I asked if I could help with the chores?
“Only if you can help me find my sense of humor!”
I asked my wife if she wanted to have a romantic dinner.
She said
“Only if it’s not at home!”
Home Jokes
I told my wife I was going to fix the leaky faucet.
She said
“Just don’t make it a ‘drip’ of a project!”
Why did my wife put a clock in the blender?
She wanted to make time fly!
My wife said our house was too quiet.
I told her to turn on the vacuum cleaner!
What did my wife say when I painted the house pink?
“Looks like we’re living in a cotton candy dream!”
I asked my wife if she wanted to rearrange the furniture.
She said
“Only if you promise not to knock anything over!”
Why does my wife love cleaning the house?
Because it’s her “sweep” escape!
What did my wife say when I suggested we get a pet?
“As long as it doesn’t shed like you!”
I told my wife I was going to organize the garage.
She said
“Good luck finding your way out!”
Travel Jokes
Why did my wife want to book a trip to the beach?
She needed some “sand-sational” relaxation!
I asked my wife if she wanted to go on a road trip.
She said
“Only if you promise to stop asking for directions!”
What did my wife say when I suggested a camping trip?
“I’m not ready to go ‘off the grid’ just yet!”
Why did my wife bring a suitcase to the kitchen?
She heard we were having a “carry-on” dinner!
I told my wife I wanted to take her somewhere special.
She said
“How about the couch?”
What did my wife say when I suggested we take a cruise?
“Only if it’s a ‘smooth sailing’ kind of trip!”
Why did my wife want to fly to Paris?
She heard it was the “city of love”—and pastries!
I asked my wife if she wanted to go hiking.
She said
“Only if there’s a coffee shop at the top!”
Thank you for enjoying these dad jokes about wives! If you’re in the mood for more laughter
check out some hilarious dad jokes about New Years or swing over to see some funny dad jokes about baseball. Keep smiling and sharing the joy of dad jokes!