New Year’s Resolutions
Why did the gym close down on New Year’s Day?
It just couldn’t handle the weight of all those resolutions!
My New Year’s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds.
That’s what I call a win-win!
I told my friend I was going to quit all my bad habits for New Year’s.
He said
Which ones? I replied
I can’t remember!
Why did the New Year’s resolution break up?
It just couldn’t commit!
What did the calendar say to the New Year?
“Time to turn over a new leaf!”
I made a resolution to read more.
So I put the TV remote across the room!
Why do New Year’s resolutions always fail?
Because they don’t have enough “goal” power!
What do you call a New Year’s resolution that gets broken?
A “resolution” to failure!
New Year’s Parties
Why did the balloon go to the New Year’s party?
Because it wanted to have a “pop”pin’ good time!
What do you call a New Year’s party with no music?
A “silent” night!
Why did the computer go to the New Year’s party?
To “byte” into the new year!
What did one champagne bottle say to the other?
“Let’s get this party fizzing!”
Why was the New Year’s party so cold?
Because it was filled with “chill” vibes!
How do you organize a fantastic New Year’s party?
With a lot of “date” planning!
Why did the grape stop in the middle of the New Year’s party?
Because it ran out of juice!
What’s a New Year’s party without snacks?
A “crumby” situation!
New Year’s Eve
Why did the clock break up with the calendar on New Year’s Eve?
It just couldn’t handle the pressure of “time”!
What do you call a cat on New Year’s Eve?
A “purr-fect” party guest!
Why did the firework go to school?
To get a little “higher” education!
What do you say to someone who’s late for New Year’s Eve?
“You really missed the countdown!”
Why did the toast refuse to go to the New Year’s party?
It didn’t want to get “buttered” up!
What did the party hat say to the confetti?
“Let’s make this a ‘pop’-ular night!”
Why did the New Year’s Eve party get canceled?
Because the host lost track of “time”!
What do you call a New Year’s Eve celebration in space?
A “blast-off” party!
New Year’s Day
Why did the coffee file a police report on New Year’s Day?
It got mugged!
What did the donut say to the New Year?
“I donut want to miss the fun!”
Why did the chef break up with his partner on New Year’s Day?
There were too many “mixed” feelings!
What do you call a New Year’s Day parade?
A “float” of resolutions!
Why do people love New Year’s Day?
Because it’s the only day you can “start fresh” without judgment!
What’s a New Year’s Day favorite exercise?
“Resolution” stretching!
Why did the snowman love New Year’s Day?
Because he could finally “chill”!
What do you call a New Year’s Day hangover?
A “resolution” headache!
New Year Traditions
Why do we eat 12 grapes at midnight?
To ensure we have a grape year ahead!
What do you call a New Year’s Eve tradition in a bakery?
A “roll” model!
Why do we make noise at midnight?
To scare away the “old” year!
What’s a popular New Year’s tradition in space?
A “star” countdown!
Why do people jump at midnight?
To leap into the new year!
What do you call a New Year’s Eve toast?
A “cheers” to new beginnings!
Why do we wear new clothes on New Year’s Day?
To “dress” for success!
What do you call the first person to wish you a Happy New Year?
Your “resolution” buddy!
As we wrap up this collection of New Year’s dad jokes
we hope you found some laughs to kick off your year. Remember
humor is a great way to connect with friends and family during the celebrations. If you’re looking for more laughs
check out these [dad jokes about golf](https://dadjokes4u.com/golf) or share a chuckle with your partner using these [dad jokes about wife](https://dadjokes4u.com/wife). Here’s to a year filled with laughter and joy!